Letting go of ego: Why executive leadership improves

Dropping the "I" made me a better executive, opened me up to new business ventures, and made me feel better in body and mind. My breakthrough came while living in Hong Kong and feeling anything but great in life at that time.

Here is a question for you: What do you do for a living? Maybe you answer: "I'm a director of an international company." To me, that's not who you are. That's merely the executive identity you carry at the moment.

Let's go one step further: Who's doing the thinking? Almost everyone says: I am. You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are a function of your brain, like your heart pumping blood around your body. You are confusing the real I with the "I" connected to your thinking and doing. As you age, this identification with your thinking and doing tends to grow stronger.

Why executives find it hard to let go of ego

Executives often carry a very strong "I" due to success. They have a strong identification with past achievements, a way of thinking, and how to get things done. That's not entirely a bad thing. The strong "I" helps them get things done. They feel confident and ready to push forward. Today's executives likely advanced in business because of a strong "I." Many will likely at some point realize that what worked in the past is no longer the right formula for today and tomorrow.

The stronger the "I," the tighter you hold on to what was. That means you are swimming against the current. You are limiting your ability to accept new ideas or maybe venture into a new role better suited for you. Or you find it hard to let go of your ideas and embrace the ideas of others. The "I" that clings to the past still appears in my life, but much less since my breakthrough years back.

My breakthrough in Hong Kong

I was living in Hong Kong and working as a Regional Director. I was back then fully identified with my doing and thinking. I daily walked through a storm of thoughts swirling around in my head, pulling me in all sorts of directions. Over time, I got exhausted from the negative and limiting chatter going on in my head. One thought would harshly judge another: "Kim, you are a terrible person for having such limiting thinking. Why are you like that?" On and on it went. That was when I decided to try meditation and mindfulness.

I was over several months sitting twice a day in agony. My body wouldn't sit still, and the thoughts flew around like angry bees. Suddenly, like a ray of sun breaking the darkness, the question appeared: Who is sitting here observing the agony and thoughts flying around like angry bees? I knew that the real I was observing the restless body and racing thoughts. I suddenly had agency over the situation. I could take action on my thoughts or just let them pass. The benefits have been profound, and I believe other executives can reap similar rewards.

How my leadership changed by letting go of ego

My life is changing like the seasons. Nothing remains constant in my life. When I identify less with my past and current experience, the easier it becomes to adjust my life or let things be. I find myself open to new viewpoints. My leadership is practical and focused because I no longer need to be right (still work in progress). I also feel healthier in my body and mind. Fighting and holding on made me stressed and fearful, which was like taking a sip of poison each day. Years later, I was able to let go of my Regional Director role since it was no longer a good fit. I could just let go, and it has been a good decision for my professional life.

Meditation and mindfulness have since 2012 been building executive self-awareness and helped me continuously chip away at the "I." I still experience drama in my thinking, but most of the time, I can let it pass. Or I decide to change my thinking to what I want it to be. I have also learned from talks with like-minded people. I engage with people on the journey of leaving behind attachment to thinking and past experiences. It has also been a good investment for me to work with coaches and therapists. They helped shine the light on patterns and beliefs that no longer serve me.

I was, earlier in life, dependent on acceptance from others. I still ask others for their opinion, but less ego has helped me let go of constant acceptance and instead exercise leadership according to what is needed.

What advantages would you experience in your business life and beyond by dropping the "I"?

AI was used for grammar and sentence structure support.

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