How to solve conflicts
- kim moelholm
- 1 hour ago
- 3 min read
What if you could disarm conflicts with greater ease? I will share how to break through the first and hardest step: Reestablishing enough openness and understanding to allow you to build options, evaluate those, and finally reach an agreement.
We often have good intentions and nevertheless we end up in situations where the communication breaks. My 12 years of mindfulness practice has helped improve my mindful communication. But you don't need to sit on a cushion and meditate to be a mindful communicator.
How mindful communication helps you solve conflicts
Like you train your muscles, you can practice mindful communication through the technique of applied Buddhism. The practice helps you move through difficult business conversations with less friction.
Mindfully speaking means carefully choosing to communicate what is taking place for you. You express your experience, how it made you feel, and what lies behind the feelings. Mindfully listening means listening with full intention to understand the other person. You ask questions with genuine intention to learn more.
Example of mindful speaking and listening
Mindful speaking - I experience a feeling of unease when I perceive that you do not agree with my point of view.
Mindful listening and speaking - Thank you for sharing with me. What thoughts are giving cause to the unease?
Resolving conflict between business partners: An example
One partner has made a business decision that the other partner felt he should have been part of. We'd return to that exact moment and start by discussing what actually took place. Hereafter we talk about the feelings that arose. The final step is to look beyond the feeling and explore what is taking place on a deeper level. Very often our identity feels threatened. The other partner may in this case feel that he over time will have a lower standing because the outside world is seeing that the other partner is making important decisions alone.
Often the mindful exchange is enough to defuse the issue and move on. At other times the issue is more complex and options must be explored in a manner that gives room for the intellectual as well as emotional side.
A step-by-step process for exploring options
Write each option on separate papers and place them on the floor.
One person physically steps into the 1st option and share what comes up.
The other person takes notes and places these next to the option.
Repeat until both people have explored all options.
Discuss the map of options you have created together.
The process can feel like more work than needed. Intellectually as well as emotionally, since complicated conflicts rarely have easy solutions. The goal is not to find an easy and comfortable solution but the solution that will be the right one long-term. I invest time over multiple discussions to explore the options map to create solutions that are robust over the longer term.
Conclusion
How to solve conflicts effectively is crucial in business. Mindful speaking and listening can reestablish the openness needed to move towards solutions. Expressing your feelings and the deeper reasons may feel unusual in business, but doing so reduces your turmoil and creates understanding in the other person of why you reacted the way you did. That is an excellent starting point for working towards solutions.
What approach has helped you navigate conflicts?
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