About three and a half years ago, I faced one of the most challenging periods of my life. Sharing this experience now feels essential—not to seek sympathy but to offer hope and strength to anyone struggling, just as I was. This is my story, one of depression and recovery, told in four parts.
Part 1: Engagement of external help.
Part 2: A new professional life.
Part 3: Changes to how I care for my mind and body.
Part 4: Changes in my diet.
Before going deeper into how I got help, let me explain what life felt like back then. I did not go from being content and grateful in life to falling into a depression. Over many months, I had felt unhappy, tense, and on edge, which had resulted in a steady decline in the quality of my inner world. At my worst, I rated my well-being at two or three out of ten. By January 2021, I had hit rock bottom at zero. Panic attacks, the inability to sit still, in tears, and racing thoughts were happening every day. In my body, I had constant ringing in the left ear, daily dizzy spells, and no energy to do more than the bare minimum.
Therapy: Regaining hope
I felt like fighting to stay above water with no shore insight. I knew I needed help, but I had reservations about medication. Instead, I turned to psychotherapy, which became my first step toward healing. The therapist created a space where I could share, and she also helped me get back to the present moment instead of constantly revisiting regrets of the past and fears about the future. Here are three key insights that therapy gave me:
My past professional life was so focused on creating that I had forgotten to look after myself. I knew a change was needed but did not know how and what.
I had repressed sadness and anger towards my parents.
When I moved my attention from my mind to my body, I would calm down and feel better. I still use this practice to get out of my head when thinking becomes too dominating.
While therapy helped me find my footing, I know I had to go deeper into my past to heal, which led me to the Hoffman Process.
Coaching retreat: Releasing the past
The second source of external help was participating in the Hoffman Process. The Hoffman Process is an intensive retreat that helps participants release negative emotions and patterns rooted in childhood experiences. I joined a group of eight individuals in Austria in the summer of 2021 for a one-week retreat to further my recovery. At the start of the retreat, we gave up our cell phones, books, and magazines to keep us focused on our inner world. The process took me back to my childhood and allowed me to revisit and release experiences I was still holding on to. The week gave me many breakthroughs.
These three I would like to share with you:
I could release my anger and sadness through verbal expression and physical movements. I continued the work after the retreat, and one day, a couple of weeks later, something clicked inside, and I had completed the process.
Even in difficult times, I can experience joy and happiness. During the week, I had countless moments of tears but also moments of joy and happiness.
By experiencing my parents' childhood, I developed a deep compassion and the ability to forgive what was difficult in my childhood.
The coaching elements of the Hoffman Process made me curious if learning more about coaching could further my healing and be a part of my new professional life.
Coaching program: Building my future
The third and final source of external help was a one-year education to become a coach. During the program, I was coached numerous times by the other participants. I brought my topics into the training, and each session created clarity and steps toward healing and gratitude in life. Here are three things I discovered during the program:
I'm worthy and capable of being there for others and making a difference.
Autonomy, purpose, and adventure are my guiding stars; I wanted to build my new professional life around those.
Fear of being left was often expressed as anger, hurting my relationship. Sharing the feeling of being afraid instead of angry has improved my relationship.
Why my depression was a gift
Churchill once said: "Never let a good crisis go to waste." In hindsight, my depression became a gift, a catalyst for profound changes. Today, I rate my well-being at seven or eight most days, with occasional glimpses of a nine. Remaining on the higher end of the scale requires ongoing daily commitment, and I'm happy to do the work. I structure this phase of my life so it works for me. I invite you to continue this journey with me, as I explore how this crisis reshaped my professional life, how I care for my body and mind, and the role diet plays in my ongoing well-being
I love life, and I'm grateful for being here!
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