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kim moelholm

How to get a better boss

Updated: Nov 23

We've all heard the saying by Marcus Buckingham: 'People don't leave companies; they leave bad bosses.' For many, dissatisfaction with their boss can be the tipping point toward seeking a new job. But what if there's a way to improve your situation before taking that drastic step?


two women having a business conversation

Consider whether you've done your part to make it easier for your boss to succeed. Ask two or three people around you to broaden your perspective. You might think this sounds difficult, or maybe not your responsibility, but here's why it's worth trying.


People don't get promoted because they are perfect human beings. They get promoted because they possess qualities that the firm needs now. Even with a list of relevant attributes, every boss has blind spots and maybe even some deficits. If you don't accept this, you hold your boss to a standard that you cannot match yourself. I always had a boss during my leadership years, and I didn't help my boss improve. Instead, I expected perfection because the person was the boss. In hindsight, I should have paid more attention to this. Here are three tactics you can apply for your boss to do better.


Unspoken rules

Any team has unspoken rules that help things run smoothly. The consequences of violating the rules will vary, but there is always some harm to the system.


One of these unspoken rules is that those with longer tenures and seniority have the "right of way." It doesn't mean their ideas are always better, but it acknowledges the experience and pressures of leadership roles. As a starting point, I should be curious about what I can learn. I should be willing to listen and understand before I change things. Doing this will build trust and strengthen the relationship, making the boss open to giving my ideas the time they deserve. A new boss must apply the same principle around tenure and not rush in with a grand plan.


Understand the interests of your boss

Some of the interests will be obvious, like reaching a sales goal. Try to look beyond the immediate and what pertains to your area. By reflecting on what you have seen and heard, you should be able to generate a list of 10 – 15 interests. Hereafter, list your interests. With the two lists, you can spot opportunities to help your boss without giving up much, as well as the other way around. One of my previous bosses needed to know many details of the business. I found it unnecessary and unhelpful. I could have shared details without much effort if I had respected this interest. That would have made it more enjoyable to work with me and made it easier to fulfill my interests.


Understand your emotional triggers

We all have them. Emotional triggers are like red buttons waiting for the boss to push. We overreact without always understanding the underlying cause. Such reactions make managing us challenging, and we often blame the boss for our response. Once you know the deeper reason for your reaction, you can reduce unnecessary conflict (more about emotional triggers here). Let me share an experience with emotional triggers from my professional life. Shortly after, I became the managing director of the Chinese team at BoConcept; the owner asked for a meeting to learn about my plan. This perfectly normal request triggered me, so I disrespectfully declined his request. My core value is autonomy. I saw my independence being limited by having to present and justify my plan.

On the one hand, he had hired someone who would run with the responsibility but could also be over-sensitive when feeling supervised. The owner invited me for a face-to-face meeting to speak about the episode so we could learn and improve our communication. We went on to have an excellent working relationship.


There are, however, situations where you should refrain from trying to help your boss do better.


When to take other action

For harassment, discrimination, or unlawful behavior, it's essential to report the issue through the proper channels, such as HR, a company hotline, or even external agencies like the EEOC or equivalent bodies in your region.


You can learn how the company protects its employees in your interview process. The answer you get tells you about the company's culture and can help you decide if it is the right company for you.


Final thoughts on how to get a better boss

Ultimately, while not every boss is perfect, proactively understanding their needs and aligning your goals with theirs can create a more positive work environment for yourself—and even help your boss do better.


Have you ever had a boss who needed your support to succeed? Or one who left you feeling frustrated despite your efforts? Share your experiences below—I'd love to hear how you've managed your relationships with your bosses.

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