It happened more than 20 years ago and still makes me cringe today. I was a logistics manager in New Jersey, USA, and I was furious. As a result, I smashed a piece of furniture in front of the staff while shouting, "If anyone has the right to damage our products, it's me." I was overwhelmed by anger and, as I later realized, also by fear and shame due to the never-ending stream of errors, damages, and disappointed customers in the business unit I was responsible for.
Even if you've never reacted as inappropriately as I did, I'm sure you've had emotional experiences you look back on with embarrassment. Over the years, I've learned to manage my emotional triggers and helped clients and coworkers do the same. This blog post will offer a concrete method to manage your triggers.
Managing emotional triggers has many benefits, but here are three that stand out as particularly significant in business:
1. You manage triggers by increasing your emotional intelligence, which is crucial if you want to continue growing as a leader. Emotional intelligence often matters more than technical skills in senior leadership roles.
2. Fewer triggers usually mean you are more emotionally balanced and can think more clearly, leading to better decision-making.
3. Intense anger-related triggers can affect your heart health and increase the risk of stroke, according to a Harvard Medical Review article. For long-term performance and well-being, a healthy heart is essential.
An example of managing emotional triggers:
A U.S.-based client, whom I'll call John, often experienced emotional triggers during conversations with a fellow manager, Paul. Since they were jointly responsible for the same business unit, avoiding these interactions wasn't an option. During my sessions with John, we delved deeper into the reasons behind his triggers. Paul was 25 years older and had been in the business unit for years, while John was relatively new. John felt anger and sadness because Paul, with all his seniority and experience, wasn't offering support or cooperation. Through a new perspective, John understood that Paul was probably fearful about his future in the company. This insight helped John develop empathy, allowing him to remain calm and supportive. The first step towards clarity is better understanding what happens to you in these situations. You can gain that understanding through a structured process that allows you to feel the situation again.
Here's how to go through the process:
1. Go back to the situation and factually describe what took place.
2. Explore what feelings came up. You will typically encounter feelings such as anger, fear, sadness, and shame.
3. Write each feeling on paper and place them around the room.
4. Place yourself physically near the card representing your chosen feeling, and reflect on what made you feel that way. If possible, have a coach or friend take notes on what you say and place the notes next to the feeling.
5. Repeat step four until you have explored all feelings.
6. Place yourself at a distance to view your notes and verbally express what you've learned.
How the process has helped me:
What often happens at the end is the experience of relief. Your situation no longer seems dramatic, and your body and mind relax. With practice in different situations, you'll start to notice patterns in yourself and opportunities to react differently. That's what I've experienced in my life, especially regarding money.
Money has long been a topic in my adult life that could trigger extreme reactions, like anger in the example at the beginning of this post, fear about not having enough, and shame over financial decisions. With the insights I've gained, I can now catch my emotional reactions as they arise and do a reality check on the situation. For example, nine out of ten times, my fear doesn't match the reality of the situation. The realization helps me calm down, think clearly, and address the issue measuredly.
Emotional triggers are part of the human experience. By approaching them with curiosity and a structured process, we can use these moments to learn more about ourselves, ultimately increasing our emotional intelligence and enhancing our professional and personal lives.
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